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The Landscape of Chronic Pain: The Sadness No One Sees

10/20/2016

4 Comments

 
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In chronic pain, normal life seems to recede into the distance while the world of pain becomes incredibly close, immediate, and demanding. Pain becomes our experience of life.

This can create an immense sense of loss which often becomes an overall, pervasive sadness at having had our lives completely immersed in living with, dealing with, and trying to get through pain. This sadness and sense of loss is something we don't often share with others, and it's not always something we even admit to ourselves.

We tend to just live with it. Or we don't recognize it for what it is. It just seems go come with the whole package of living with pain.


Living Outside of Time

The time spent in pain can feel like lost time because we cannot attend or participate in many important events, or must do so from within our aura of pain.

The sense of sadness and loss is not only of the time and experiences that are eaten up by pain, but also includes a feeling of losing dreams and goals, as if our connection to the future is also being consumed by pain as well.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a formula for recovering time that’s been lost to pain, but, over the years, I have found some things that have helped me mitigate the sense of sadness that comes from living with long-term pain.


Pain Is The Landscape You're Passing Through

One day I woke up and realized I didn’t have a sense of a personal future anymore. I had simply stopped dreaming because it seemed like my life was just going to be an endless stream of days in pain. So, to help me get through this, I started to think of pain as a landscape that had edges. It had had a beginning, therefore it must have an end. Somewhere.

The pain landscape was nasty, ugly, and burned out, but it was only a landscape, a place I was walking through, not the entire world. I told myself over and over that I I was just passing through this, and I would eventually reach gentler and more beautiful landscapes. (And, in time, I have.) This helped restore a sense of having a future.


Valuing Life, No Matter What

Instead of being life lost, I began to think of the time spent in pain as equally as valuable and important an aspect of my human journey as my life outside of pain, even if I couldn’t yet completely see how.

When I went in search for the gifts in the ashes, I realized that living in pain had given me valuable insights. I had gained greater awareness of what others suffer, and greater compassion for others, as well. And for myself. I developed a fuller sense of gratitude for all the relationships in my life, and a deeper appreciation for my body.


Feeling It Comes First

Feelings of sadness and loss are natural responses to living with chronic pain, but we're so used to having to keep it all together and try to buck up while we're in pain, that we don't always allow ourselves to feel the emotional repercussions of living with all that physical pain.

So, for me, recognizing that I was feeling a quiet, but constant, sense of sadness and loss without even realizing it - that these emotions were somehow intertwined with the sensations of being in pain - was a helpful first step in addressing them, and allowing them to release.

Then I worked with choosing other ways to think about what was happening in my life.
When it feels like life in pain is meaningless, I remind myself that it is I who chooses the meaning my life has.

I can decide that I have wasted or lost the years I have been in pain, or I can choose to see them as years with a different kind of meaning, sometimes surprisingly rich and deep despite the pain and, sometimes, as much as I don't always want to admit it, because of it.


Image: Waldlandschaft (Forest Landscape), Alois Kirnig, 1840-1911 (Wikimedia Commons)

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Sarah Anne Shockley
has lived with nerve pain from Thoracic Outlet Syndrome since 2007. She is the author of The Pain Companion: Everyday Wisdom For Living With and Moving Beyond Chronic Pain and Living Better While Living With Pain. She is a staff columnist for Pain News Network.

4 Comments
Valerie Brock link
10/24/2016 08:43:26 am

I love the thought that you expressed about pain being a landscape that has edges. I had never quite thought of it this way before. I think for me, it was a personal shock too, to realize that sadness had slowly crept into my life due to physical pain. I am usually a very upbeat person. But, chronic pain has definitely taken away some of that sunshine. I love that you are choosing to find meaning no matter what the landscape of life looks like. Blessings and thank you so much for writing this! Valerie

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Sarah link
10/24/2016 10:09:35 am

Thank you so much for your comment, Valerie. I'm glad the post was meaningful to you, and, yes, it took me quite awhile to recognize the sadness too - sometimes I refer to it as a "seeping loss of hope". It kind of oozes in over time and I think it's important to recognize it, feel it, and then do whatever we can to help ease it and find worth and meaning in the life we're living right now. Thanks!

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Martina
11/16/2016 08:08:43 pm

This is me. I have chronic neck and shoulder and arm pain. Everyday. All day. I'm currently being evaluated for Thoracic outlet syndrome. I've tried physical therapy, just gets worse. I've tried acupuncture to no avail. And I've tried medications. With no success. I don't enjoy things I used to. I lose hours at work which in turn reduce my income and receive hostility from co-workers and have been accused of "milking it" because I'm on light duty instead of receiving sympathy. Some days I just want to curl up and stay in bed. Except I have 3 kids that need me to keep going on and they're the only reason I do. I was always a energetic and cheerful person. Pain has taken that away from me.

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Sarah link
11/16/2016 09:04:34 pm

Martina, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's so challenging to be living with pain and it is certainly not easy to be a mom in pain, I know. Because TOS is invisible to others, they aren't always understanding of your needs. Do be careful of how much time you spend on the computer, if you can. I hope you find a good doctor who can diagnose you correctly. I wish you all the best on your healing journey. Sarah

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