In chronic pain, normal life seems to recede into the distance while the world of pain becomes incredibly close, immediate, and demanding. Pain becomes our experience of life.
This can create an immense sense of loss which often becomes an overall, pervasive sadness at having had our lives completely immersed in living with, dealing with, and trying to get through pain. This sadness and sense of loss is something we don't often share with others, and it's not always something we even admit to ourselves.
We tend to just live with it. Or we don't recognize it for what it is. It just seems go come with the whole package of living with pain.
This can create an immense sense of loss which often becomes an overall, pervasive sadness at having had our lives completely immersed in living with, dealing with, and trying to get through pain. This sadness and sense of loss is something we don't often share with others, and it's not always something we even admit to ourselves.
We tend to just live with it. Or we don't recognize it for what it is. It just seems go come with the whole package of living with pain.
Living Outside of Time
The time spent in pain can feel like lost time because we cannot attend or participate in many important events, or must do so from within our aura of pain.
The sense of sadness and loss is not only of the time and experiences that are eaten up by pain, but also includes a feeling of losing dreams and goals, as if our connection to the future is also being consumed by pain as well.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a formula for recovering time that’s been lost to pain, but, over the years, I have found some things that have helped me mitigate the sense of sadness that comes from living with long-term pain.
The sense of sadness and loss is not only of the time and experiences that are eaten up by pain, but also includes a feeling of losing dreams and goals, as if our connection to the future is also being consumed by pain as well.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a formula for recovering time that’s been lost to pain, but, over the years, I have found some things that have helped me mitigate the sense of sadness that comes from living with long-term pain.
Pain Is The Landscape You're Passing Through
One day I woke up and realized I didn’t have a sense of a personal future anymore. I had simply stopped dreaming because it seemed like my life was just going to be an endless stream of days in pain. So, to help me get through this, I started to think of pain as a landscape that had edges. It had had a beginning, therefore it must have an end. Somewhere.
The pain landscape was nasty, ugly, and burned out, but it was only a landscape, a place I was walking through, not the entire world. I told myself over and over that I I was just passing through this, and I would eventually reach gentler and more beautiful landscapes. (And, in time, I have.) This helped restore a sense of having a future.
The pain landscape was nasty, ugly, and burned out, but it was only a landscape, a place I was walking through, not the entire world. I told myself over and over that I I was just passing through this, and I would eventually reach gentler and more beautiful landscapes. (And, in time, I have.) This helped restore a sense of having a future.
Valuing Life, No Matter What
Instead of being life lost, I began to think of the time spent in pain as equally as valuable and important an aspect of my human journey as my life outside of pain, even if I couldn’t yet completely see how.
When I went in search for the gifts in the ashes, I realized that living in pain had given me valuable insights. I had gained greater awareness of what others suffer, and greater compassion for others, as well. And for myself. I developed a fuller sense of gratitude for all the relationships in my life, and a deeper appreciation for my body.
When I went in search for the gifts in the ashes, I realized that living in pain had given me valuable insights. I had gained greater awareness of what others suffer, and greater compassion for others, as well. And for myself. I developed a fuller sense of gratitude for all the relationships in my life, and a deeper appreciation for my body.
Feeling It Comes First
Feelings of sadness and loss are natural responses to living with chronic pain, but we're so used to having to keep it all together and try to buck up while we're in pain, that we don't always allow ourselves to feel the emotional repercussions of living with all that physical pain.
So, for me, recognizing that I was feeling a quiet, but constant, sense of sadness and loss without even realizing it - that these emotions were somehow intertwined with the sensations of being in pain - was a helpful first step in addressing them, and allowing them to release.
Then I worked with choosing other ways to think about what was happening in my life. When it feels like life in pain is meaningless, I remind myself that it is I who chooses the meaning my life has.
I can decide that I have wasted or lost the years I have been in pain, or I can choose to see them as years with a different kind of meaning, sometimes surprisingly rich and deep despite the pain and, sometimes, as much as I don't always want to admit it, because of it.
So, for me, recognizing that I was feeling a quiet, but constant, sense of sadness and loss without even realizing it - that these emotions were somehow intertwined with the sensations of being in pain - was a helpful first step in addressing them, and allowing them to release.
Then I worked with choosing other ways to think about what was happening in my life. When it feels like life in pain is meaningless, I remind myself that it is I who chooses the meaning my life has.
I can decide that I have wasted or lost the years I have been in pain, or I can choose to see them as years with a different kind of meaning, sometimes surprisingly rich and deep despite the pain and, sometimes, as much as I don't always want to admit it, because of it.
Image: Waldlandschaft (Forest Landscape), Alois Kirnig, 1840-1911 (Wikimedia Commons)
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 | Sarah Anne Shockley has lived with nerve pain from Thoracic Outlet Syndrome since 2007. She is the author of The Pain Companion: Everyday Wisdom For Living With and Moving Beyond Chronic Pain and Living Better While Living With Pain. She is a staff columnist for Pain News Network. |
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