Being in Pain Is Not A Failure

3/15/2018

So many of us living in chronic pain feel like we have failed. Failed at life. Failed at healing ourselves. Failed at being the perfect patient. Failed at getting through life without getting ill or becoming disabled. Failed at being perfectly happy and sound. We worry that we are failures.

I have felt this way many times. It’s hard not to. So much of my time is spent trying to be different than I am right now. Trying not to be in pain. Trying to make myself better again. Trying to be there for others in the ways they want me to be. Hiding my pain so people don’t feel bad for me and so that I don’t scare them with the hugeness of it.

It's No Crime

And we often feel we should be different. Being sick, injured, or disabled in any way begins to feel like a crime committed by us, particularly if we're relentlessly urged to get better. We want to be out of pain, but we’re not. We want to show up differently in life, but we can't. We want a reset button on our bodies, on our emotions, on our lives.

And when we can’t find the reset button, we often blame ourselves for not trying hard enough. For having gotten into this pain in the first place. For having sidestepped from our normal lives onto this weird, unrelenting, difficult path of pain.

But I just want to say this today. For myself and for you. Being in pain is not a failure of any kind. It is not fun, it is not what we want and we may not understand how we got here, but it is not a failure.

There is no way to fail at life. I am alive, and you are alive, and we have a very interesting path before us that requires everything we’ve got to keep going. But that is not failure.

There Is No Perfect Life Out There

Look around you. How many people do you know who have never had pain in their lives? No one. How many people are perfectly happy and perfectly at peace with themselves? Very few. Does this mean that everyone else is a failure? No, it does not.

I am not in perfect health. Maybe you aren’t either, but that does not erase the health we do have. That does not erase the life we are living and make it meaningless. We are given the task of finding new meaning–different kinds of meaning–in a life that is lived with pain as our companion, but that does not make it an unworthy journey or make us unworthy journeyers.

It is difficult, yes. It demands more of us and we have to find our inner reserves to carry on. But it is also unexpectedly deep and rich. It comes with its own rewards of wisdom, compassion, and self reflection.

We Are Not Failures, We Are Examples of Awesomeness

But having to do that, go through that, is not failure. That is awesomeness. That is power. That is unbelievable personal strength. That is belief in self and belief in life.

If you are in pain today, you have not failed. Your life is still yours. Your path is still yours. It includes the experience of pain, but it also includes all of you and all of your amazing, courageous spirit and your phenomenal will and dedication to life to wake up this morning and carry on.

We, in pain, are humans living our lives the best ways we can considering our tremendous challenges. And that makes us not failures, but quite remarkable people, I think.

Image Courtesy Pixabay

Sarah Anne Shockley has lived with nerve pain from Thoracic Outlet Syndrome since 2007. She co-produced and directed Dancing From the Inside Out, a multi-award winning documentary on AXIS Dance Company (integrating wheelchair and able-bodied dance). She has been a columnist for Pain News Network and is a regular contributor to The Mighty. Her book, The Pain Companion will be released from New World Library, June, 2018. She is also author of The Light at The Center of Pain, Living Better While Living With Pain, and 30 Days of Living Better While Living With Pain.

5 Comments

http://www.russhessays.com/ link

3/28/2018 02:31:33 pm

Pain management should be taken seriously by everyone. This does not mean we have to indulge in every new available drug in the market. We should do more research on more natural methods. This applies to both physical and emotional pain. Pharmaceutical companies have been making a lot of money selling pain relief for people who are clinically depressed. We should be careful not to focus too much on these because it can affect our tolerance with pain medication and it may not work anymore when we are in deep physical pain, mostly after injuries or accidents.

Sarah

3/28/2018 02:49:55 pm

Yes, I agree that, as a whole, we can put more attention on finding natural methods of pain relief. With that said, a lot of pain management seems to be in finding the right balance for each individual. Thanks for your comment.

Judith Skillman

4/21/2018 11:48:47 pm

I'm wondering whether you know whether hyperalgesia as a component of fibromyalgia has been misdiagnosed as 'low dose opioid induced hyperalgesia".

This may be too specific/too much information, but a pain/Regenexx doctor I saw has put a halt to Ultracet (just two a day) and that is making it more difficult, not easier, to deal with severe chronic pain.

No need to answer if this is beyond the scope of your blog.

Sarah link

4/22/2018 08:25:57 am

Hi Judith, I don't know how to answer your question, and am not equipped to give any medical advice, so am sorry not to be of much help there. I do understand that doctors are becoming very wary of prescribing medication because of the hoopla about opioid use, and many are cutting back in reaction to that. I'm sorry to hear that things are becoming more difficult, I've heard this from many who have had their doctors suddenly cut back on medication. I hope that the pendulum will swing back to something more reasonable in terms of helping people live with pain and in using meds appropriately and not just suddenly cutting them off from much needed help.

Monte Chen link

2/19/2019 05:00:45 am

Well, pain is an inevitable part of being human. Sometimes, pain can be severe. Sometimes, pain can hurt you for a lasting spell. But every time it can make you feel broken. I think a strong individual is the one who knows how to pretend to be when he is in pain. Failure is painful. That does not mean failure is the only cause due to which you are in pain. Failure might be destructive, but always it is instructive. You have to learn how to take failure as your master teacher in order to handle every painful affair strongly.