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When we’re in relentless pain and we're not getting better, sooner or later we're going to get angry at someone or something.
We may feel angry at pain because it is so insistent and faceless, a force that can’t be reasoned with or bribed or cajoled or bargained with. We may be angry with the medical |
system for not having the answers.
And at some point, we may well feel angry with ourselves for having unwittingly made the choices that somehow led to this, and for not being able to find our way out.
And at some point, we may well feel angry with ourselves for having unwittingly made the choices that somehow led to this, and for not being able to find our way out.
Systems of Blame
Our legal and insurance systems can be very adversarial, and we speak of pain, illness, and injury as if they are enemies to be overcome. It is easy to fall into that pattern, looking for something to blame our pain on (including ourselves), but it really isn’t a useful strategy for healing.
I recommend deciding to relieve everyone and everything from the burden of blame, even if we feel it is deserved.
The point isn’t whether or not we’re right and justified, which may well be the case, the point is that holding onto anger, blame and resentment is stressful and counterproductive.
Anger is understandable, but keeping it around because we need someone or something to point the finger at, including ourselves, seems only to serve to keep pain in place.
I recommend deciding to relieve everyone and everything from the burden of blame, even if we feel it is deserved.
The point isn’t whether or not we’re right and justified, which may well be the case, the point is that holding onto anger, blame and resentment is stressful and counterproductive.
Anger is understandable, but keeping it around because we need someone or something to point the finger at, including ourselves, seems only to serve to keep pain in place.
Leaving The Past In The Past
I think of resentment as the quieter cousin of blame. Rather than accusing anyone or anything directly, resentment seems to stem from a creeping and pervasive sense of unfairness.
At times I felt resentful that I had become disabled through doing my job while my employer was able to carry on with life as usual. I resented having a doctor I had never seen before spend about 30 minutes with me and write a report that strongly influenced by disability settlement. I resented the way the workmen's compensation and disability system required me to keep re-proving my injury over and over again instead of actually supporting me to heal.
But keeping these feelings around wasn’t getting me anywhere positive. In the interests of well-being, I decided it was best to them go. I realized I just didn’t have the energy to waste on blame and resentment. Better to use that energy for healing instead.
At times I felt resentful that I had become disabled through doing my job while my employer was able to carry on with life as usual. I resented having a doctor I had never seen before spend about 30 minutes with me and write a report that strongly influenced by disability settlement. I resented the way the workmen's compensation and disability system required me to keep re-proving my injury over and over again instead of actually supporting me to heal.
But keeping these feelings around wasn’t getting me anywhere positive. In the interests of well-being, I decided it was best to them go. I realized I just didn’t have the energy to waste on blame and resentment. Better to use that energy for healing instead.
Using Anger As Fuel
There is nothing inherently wrong with feeling angry about what happened and what we are currently suffering. In fact, for people stuck in depression and sadness, anger can be a very liberating force.
Anger has a lot of energy in it. Rather than sitting still and feeling powerless, anger wants to move and change things, so it can be a very helpful emotion when harnessed for good. It can move us out of the doldrums and into positive action.
Once we have gotten in touch with anger, however, we don’t want to live in it. It’s not helpful to continuously feel angry, even if there is specific fault to be found.
Our energy and attention need to be on healing, not on who did or didn’t do something, or what exact circumstances were at fault. The energy of blame is always looking backward and we need to marshal our resources in the present so we can heal and have a better future. Best to leave the past to the past as much as possible.
Anger that doesn’t move turns to bitterness. Rather than allowing it to eat away at us, we can use anger’s energy to fuel our determination to recover.
Anger has a lot of energy in it. Rather than sitting still and feeling powerless, anger wants to move and change things, so it can be a very helpful emotion when harnessed for good. It can move us out of the doldrums and into positive action.
Once we have gotten in touch with anger, however, we don’t want to live in it. It’s not helpful to continuously feel angry, even if there is specific fault to be found.
Our energy and attention need to be on healing, not on who did or didn’t do something, or what exact circumstances were at fault. The energy of blame is always looking backward and we need to marshal our resources in the present so we can heal and have a better future. Best to leave the past to the past as much as possible.
Anger that doesn’t move turns to bitterness. Rather than allowing it to eat away at us, we can use anger’s energy to fuel our determination to recover.
Image: Mountain Landscape With Lightning (Detail), Francisque Millet, 1675 (Wikimedia Commons)
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